Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
