You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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