We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He kissed a someone with a penis
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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