Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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