Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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