Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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