dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize