My friends, they love my intelligence
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
