I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
