i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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