her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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