Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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