I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
