yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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