pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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