doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
