I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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