She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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