I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
