i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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