I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
