why didn't you poke me back
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
