I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Non-Jews are for practice
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
