It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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