this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
