I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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