He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just had sex on a roof
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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