they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
