I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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