Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
