he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
