No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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