she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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