The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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