I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
