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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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