There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm both gender and math confused
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
