he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They have beer where we have blood.
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