I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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