I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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