Me too!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
