I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
