were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
