Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
