she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
