We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
