Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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