Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
