The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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