are you so shy because you have an std?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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