don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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