Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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