im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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