u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
