Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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