And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize