is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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