i need an iv and a liver transplant
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach