It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..