How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.