wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.