you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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