Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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