Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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