I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
