Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
